Watching the clock

It was our little girl's first day at daycare today. I go back to work next week after a whole year off from teaching. I am only going back 3 days a week and darling girl is going to daycare twice this week to get used to it (and make sure that i am not in tears at work, or they ring me to say she is wailing and needs her mommy) Last week her and I visited there together for a play and get used to surroundings (we have been a few times before) Today she went 'solo' for just the morning. She wailed as we left and I sobbed in the car park and more at home. She has never been alone with anyone else except hubby or me so a huge step fpr all parties involved. I then had a rant moment and decided that those women who fought for liberation actually messed things up. I am no man's doormat, I should not be treated as a lesser human being based on the fact that I am a woman (women are afterall 'more equal' than men ;)) and I should have a choice. Sadly little choice is left and most women need to go back to work for financial reasons, so that isn't really a choice is it? I was blessed and so privileged to have a year off and wish for just a few more months, but at least I will only be working 3 days a week. It is not ideal but better than nothing. She may never remember this time, but everyone keeps telling me how quickly it goes by and to enjoy every moment, so that is what I plan to do. So my motives may also be slightly selfish, but it could be the innate desire within me to want to be with my darling girl. I definitely think there is a place for playgroups, little ones need to socialise. There comes a time when they need to become indepenedent and be part of the community. But they also need their mommy's for a certain period.

Perhaps I am selfish. I am happy to share some things but other things I battle with. I love and cherish what is mine. I hate the thought of my little girl getting hurt and I am not the one there to console her. All she wants when she is sad is me, how can I do that to her, to me? It breaks my heart.

So to those women who burnt their bra's. I love being equal but I would really like to be different and valued differently to men. I would like the choice. Not everyone wants to stay at home, but it should be an easy choice, one that does not depend on finances. I am a mother and that is the most challenging yet rewarding job on the world and I bet that I will still be watching the clock in anticipation in a few months time, still desperate to be reunited with my little buttercup.

Thanks for reading...maybe this week should be 'irk' week, I am feeling irritated with many things...maybe it is a sign of me getting old LOL